Why do marriages fail?

 As Christians, we sometimes forget that marriage was started and established by God. The purpose is more for His worship than procreation. Procreation is a by-product of marriage and replenishing the earth. If populating the earth was God's problem, he probably would have created more Adam's by putting soils together and breathe into them. Or just by His power, blast Adam into multiples with different characters. But instead, He chose marriage as a channel. 

Over the years, I've watched (and read) about failed marriages, and successful marriages too. The number of failed marriages is far more than the number of successful ones, and most unmarried people have already set their boundaries and deal breakers for their marriages, which almost always certainly spells that the marriage will fail. 

For those with successful marriages, I implore you to share consistently about your marriage, especially on X (formerly Twitter) where this honourable idea of God is almost ridiculed to nothing like there was no thought put into its establishment. 

If you are going through hell in your marriage, it can be better, I promise you. You have to learn the "hows" of how to work your marriage. It is the couple's responsibility and not the man's or woman's. 

In the next installations, we will look at "How to Marry Wrong" and "How to get out of a wrong marriage". 

Why do marriages fail? 

Marriages fail for two reasons: 

1. Not realising that it is God's idea

2. Insincerity 

Marriage is God's Idea

In the beginning, God created man and gave him a job. Not a woman. So, as a parent people (especially African parents), their child is not ready for marriage just because they are more than 18 years old or they have a job. It is more than that. 

Genesis 4: 24 - "24: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

Let's take a tour through Genesis 4:

7. And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

8. And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.

15: And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.

It was after God gave Adam a job and saw that there was a need for an assistant, that He gave Adam a wife - Eve. And He said; "It is not good that the man should be alone". Many people have confused "alone" to mean "lonely". And these sets of people have gone ahead to marry to avoid being lonely or when they feel lonely and are still single, they automatically think that the solution is "marriage". So, they jumped in without looking. 

Quick one; the word 'assistant' used above does not mean the woman is second class to the man. No, it means to assist the man. To help the man. 

Let's continue with Genesis 4:

18. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

20: And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

21: And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

22: And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

23: And Adam said, This is now 24: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

24: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

25: And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

The first reason is that people do not realise that marriage is God's idea

Looking through the above verses, you can easily see that marriage was a response to something. It was God responding to Adam, giving him a "help meet for him". This means if we want to understand marriage, our first point of call should be the Bible - "God's Word". 

So, instead of chasing every marriage seminar, try a word seminar. 

For your specific marriage, what is its purpose? What does God expect? Until you discover this, a marriage might just be a wobbling journey of uncertainty and no easy way out than a divorce. Just as someone said: "when purpose is not know, abuse is inevitable".

The second reason is insincerity

The Cambridge Dictionary defines Insincerity as "the action or practice of pretending to feel something that you do not really feel, or not meaning what you say."

Many married people started their relationships on this fact. Consider this, most people accept the flaws of their now spouse with the hope that they will change after marriage. But it didn't happen that way and now they are filled with indignation. They think it is not fair what their partner is doing. 

To be more clear, consider this scenario. A man and a woman started dating with the hope of getting married. In understanding themselves, questions were asked and future ambitions and prospects were discussed. 

Then in talking, they realised they were compatible and could get married. What one person is unaware of is that the other person was not sincere with some of the things said. This is not out of wickedness and I do not think they were lying. They just didn't think it mattered and should not be a reason why marriages break. 

Then after marriage, these things are brought to the fore. Now, one partner is feeling betrayed because "how could such a piece of important information be left off until the knots are tied?"

Insincerity arises its head in different ways. It could be before the marriage or in the marriage. Why this is such an important factor is the fact that the insincere person might not be acting from a place of wickedness. They might just feel the other person will understand. But, it is usually not the case.

Let me quickly point out that insincerity here is not saying there won't be challenges in a marriage. But when the couple are sincere, it is easier to navigate. With sincerity, partnerships are better. 

In conclusion, the starting place is to know that marriage is God's idea and it was brought into existence from a place of sincerity - "a help meet for the man so he is not alone in the task of life".  

God bless you. 

Image: Unsplash